Grief

I knew I would grieve.

I knew I would be sad.

I did not know grief would wrap me in a cold blanket and drag me to the bottom of a frozen lake. I did not know it would rob me of my very desire to breathe, to move, to think. I did not know.

I did not know clothing would hurt. I did not know.

I did not know I would be so tired. I didn't know I would be so lonely. I did not know I would not care.

About anything.

I did not know that food would taste bad. I did not know that cooking was a burden. I did not know chewing was exhausting.

I did not know moving would hurt. I did not know walking would exhaust me. did not know turning over in bed would be impossible. I just did not know.

I did not know I could fit so many dirty dishes in the sink. I did not know that cat boxes could smell so bad. I did not know I could look at cat puke and walk on by. I just did not know.

I did not know that I could carry on day after day, feeling this burden that would break me weigh on my heart. I did not know that I could smile for some one and lift their hearts, then return to my own shattered abyss.  I did not know.